inreaction

I want to post regarding some thoughts inspired by the post script materials in a book called The Zero.

This is my reminder.

i’m not so sure why my life seems to be defined not so much by highs and lows as by periods of certainty and extreme doubt. i used to think that i had a sense that allowed me to foresee situations and how i would feel in them but lately i find myself taken by surprise. i’m offending without meaning to do so, falling flat when attempting to pique interest. this lack of self-knoweledge (or maybe it’s not so knowing myself as knowing my limits or the limits of others when it comes to bearing with me) is adversely affecting my most prized relationships and i don’t really know what to do.

being yourself is far less enticing when you’re not entirely sure what that self is, and when it seems to offend those cloesst to you. perhaps this is just a phase, but things have gotten out of hand. i find myself in conversations about personality which make demands and are demanded far too much understanding, and i’m terrified that i’ve grown apart…from myself, in a manner that doesn’t bring me any closer to those i think i can’t bear to be without.