inreaction

maybe there’s some meaning in all this after all.

i’m sick of this shit. i can’t write, i can’t think, i can’t see anything worth holding onto, all i hear is idiocy and harsh words from the mouths of fools, and all i can taste is the bitterness of hate. i’ve had enough of this. you people–those of you who revel in your little snide remarks and foolish relations–are so meaningless–you will fail. i’m sure it’s only normal to hold all of the world in contempt as a fool holds all he can’t understand but maybe that’s all i am. i sure don’t understand the actions of those around me, not to mention the actions i take myself. i seem to be craving comfort but wanting pain. it’s a twisted version of life. i have this odd bewilderment and suffer from disorientation–these past few weeks have been a blur of screetching halts and burning speed. i want so badly to reject all that is here for me but what good what that do? the world is what we have, not what we make of it. scew all your idealism, foolishism, optimisim. don’t tell me to just be happy. have you tried to just be happy when your parents are throwing shit at each other and taking it out on you? have you tried to be happy when what you pride yourself on has been compromised by no one but yourself? if you have then i’m really happy for you. i don’t need your sunshine, i can grow out of this darkness–i’ll see you in ten years. i really can’t take this anymore.

Seven am;
The garbage truck beaps as it backs up
And I start my day thinking about what I’ve thrown away.
Could I push rewind?
The credits traverse, signifying the end
But I missed the best part.
Could we please go back to start?
Forgive my indecision

Then again, you’re always first when no one’s on your side
But, then again, a day will come when I want off that ride.

Eleven am,
By now you would think that I would be up
But my bedsheets shade the heat of choices I’ve made
And what did I find?
I never thought I could want someone so much
‘Cause now you’re not here and I’m knee deep in that old fear.
Forgive my indecision… I am only a man.

Then again, you’re always first when no one’s on your side
But, then again, a day will come when I want off that ride.

Twelve pm and my dusty telephone rings.
Heavy head up from my pillow, who could it be?
I hope its you.

Then again, you’re always first when no one’s on your side
But, then again, the day has come and I want off that ride.