inreaction

hello.

i’m in new york, have been for five days. and i haven’t written at all, but i’d like to update. so this is going to be (and no, don’t look for double entendre in this)…raw.

so i’ve wined and dined in some posh places i suppose, but the thing that is most striking about this sort of town is the mass amount of folks that inhabit such small areas. but the brilliant aspect of this madness is how genuine these inhabitants really are.

it’s not just how they will look you in the eye and tell them to get “your damn ass the hell out of” their way. it’s not even just how they will shoulder you five feet off from the original position where your feet had found their roots, not even how they will not stop their taxi unless if you are about to be taken under it’s front end.

but then what is it? what is it that separates these masses from about eighty four percent of all of the folks that seem to swarm over our village? i discovered it in a little area called south of huston…soHo.

actually that’s not entirely true. i discovered it in every place i looked–or every place i didn’t.

it’s the uglyness that is so amazingly beautiful. it’s the rawness that is so smooth. it’s the pain that is so pleasing. it’s the city that is so calm.

they never sleep but they’re never tired. or they’re always tired but never want to sleep. they’re never as happy as when they’re enraged. i enjoy this madness. this contradictory calm.

the new york town is usually the most hectic of all places, except tokyo perhaps. or shanghai–those asians, yikes. :) anyway, it’s a mad rush and “the race is long, but in the end, it’s only with yourself.” i find that applicable. because everyone here is really working so hard and is going places and coming from them. and there’s so many of htem and so many places to be from and gone to, that it is of interest to note how odd a thing all these crisscrossing lines are.

think about it–i have people to talk to now.

but not that i don’t enjoy returning home. it’s the face of yours that i crave to see. it’s just the loveliness of the lack of distractions that is so alluring here. it’s not the distance as much as the breaking of all ties for some time. not the separation but the lack of anxiety that emergest with it. i think that’s it.


call me up. or don’t. perhaps leave a message. perhaps leave a comment?

it’s been awhile. perhaps too long, perhaps not long enough. maybe i’m just too busy doing, not busy enough thinking about what i’m doing.

but thought i have. and the result follows.

winter break is a time prone to reflection. it’s a time prone to thinking about what you missed, what you wished you have, and what you’re lucky enough to be able to grasp–not in your hands, but in your security. there are a few things which i’ve been grasping quite steadfastly this winter (aren’t we all just losing our grip as our knuckles, white with effort, slip and unbend?).

i’ve been thinking on writing, and the effect it had and has had on me. i was wondering why i haven’t taken the time out lately (literally a time out). i think it’s because i’m losing my knack for twisting words into phrases that catched my fancy. but the real reason may be fear. it’s always fear anyway. i’ve grown wary of my thoughts–something i thought i had gotten over long ago. it seems like i’m pondering whether or not i should think about anything, or whether i think i’m doing everything right. the latter seems wrong enough to doubt. rather, it doesn’t take much skill to know that there is much left to know.

i’ve been thinking of a young lady. yesterday evening was quite fun, bowling and all. i think it’s the grace that she personifies that makes every passing moment without her presence dry and dreary. although my life goes on, as does hers, there is a certain strength in our company that we both crave. it’s another one of those statements on who we aught to be–who we want, and who we want to be. i want to be everything for her, to her. but at the same time i’m afraid of that, that omniscience i know i’m not nearly fit for. so i’m content, more than content, with everything she is to me.

i’ve been thinking of a acquiring a new pastime. painting is slightly costly and i can’t do it as often as i would like. writing is natural i suppose, and tennis is a sport. i think i might start designing clothes. or taking an interest in fashion. anything to give you fools fodder for judgement. anyways. read on. :)

i’ve been thinking of what i’ve been missing. longer peace at home, for one. although perhaps it never was–perhaps i was ignorant under the bliss of innocence, blind to what was going on around me. either way, a christmas wish is for peace to come to all in my family, for everyone to stop the quibbling and welcome gratitude and life, instead of running from it. what else is there to miss? the feeling of fleeting youth. last nite was a brilliant reminder of how young we are, how much we have, how little we have to care about. i know that i will miss a friend that is on a plane as this is being written, and i hope all turns out well for him.

i’ve been thinking of something that has been bothering me, persistently. i’ve grown weary of children who bring the clouds over their heads and hope for rain to cover their tears. i’m tired of my peers who pretend–no, convince themselves that their lives are extremely difficult, that they don’t have time to sleep, that they’re stressed out. my christmas wish for these people is to take a walk around oakland high school. perspective is evading these folks. i don’t pretend to know much, but i do know that the difficulty of life for the people i am surrounded with is infinitesimal in comparison with the lives of ninety-five percent of this world. if only the clouds they gathered would disappear from the skies above others.

for words, i have none left to say. but i wish you would have some for me. that’s why they created the comment space. a merry christmas to all.

as always – bright eyes – kathy with a k’s song.

Love is real
It is not just in novels or the movies
It is fact
And it is standing here right in front of you
So if you open your eyes
Oh what a sweet discovery
There is hope, and there is joy, and there is acceptance
So now let all of the light that collects on your plants
Keep you warm, make you smile
And I will be there with this pen in my hand
To record all the while
You’ll be laughing so loud
That the house would shake with sound
And everything will be as new as the day it was found
Love is real
It is not just in long distance commercials
Or something that you thought you felt back in high school
So I will turn black and white
Become that horoscope you’re reading
It predicts something good is on its way
Oh, and then I will send you the world green and blue
In a box through the mail
You can open it up, hold it right in your hand
And be glad that it’s there
And be glad that you’re there
Now, you can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untie
And suddenly it’s not so hard to say you’re all right
Love is real
It is not just in poetry and stories
It is truth, and it will follow you
Everywhere you go from now on
So if you’d just cast off your doubt
Then your lips would answer for you
Oh my darling, when you smile, it is like a song
And I can hear it now
And I can hear it now
And I can hear it now
Yes, I can, I can, I can