inreaction

i’m beginning to realize that my incessant scribbilngs are beginning to resemble the maddening tears of enraged joy that fall from the face of agonizing bliss.

i’m beginning to see that i might as well muddle every sentence as best i could–no logic could flow but that which is divinely obvious…all is good.

irony flows from my fist because while i’m penning these thoughts in pencil, i’m sure nothing could be so concrete. and yet abstract, yet again comforting.

i was looking for words in “comfort,” when i realized “for” is of no interest. it is of interest to note that terrifying and terrific are but a few letters away. now i know why.

i’m nearly finished with this novel, this discourse on the difference beteen angst and the anarchy of happiness. the disorder of emotion leaves me calmly satisfied. i’m searching for filler as my mind has already spilled all of its valor, earning only a badge of honesty and redemption.

that probably didn’t make any sense. my goodness.

so give me a smile and a tilt of your hat. bid me on my way and leave these words unread. for they lack truth. honesty the have. truth they have not.

for everything i’ve learned is telling me, honestly, that truth will never fall onto this page. it’s all telling me i will only see it when the light bends at the tiny space between the white and the brown of her eyes. evertyhing is groveling, begging me to accept the overwhelming everything i feel in her arms.

and i have. but i can’t. so leave these words unread, leave this unsaid. there is no truth. truth is your form, not to be spoken in any forum. truth is your sight, truth is too light to be seen in contrast with the white of this page. truth i have found, and intend to hold near.

so bid me of my way. i’ve now learned how beautiful it is, to have nothing to say–to be incapable of speaking truth.

death cab for cutie – what sara said

And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I’ve already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

‘Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes ‘round and everyone lift their heads
But I’m thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

So who’s gonna watch you die?

leave a comment you trucka.